And the Lord did make a sign for Moses, that he would go to Mount Sinai, and climb the mountain, whereupon he witnessed a bush on fire yet the bush was not consumed by this fire. There, as Moses looked upon this miraculous sight, the voice of the Lord came out of the sky and spoke to him.
“Moses, take off thy sandals, for thou art standing on holy ground.”
Moses did as he was told, yet the foul stench of his sweaty feet made its way into the Lord’s nostrils.
“Ecch! What an an unpleasing odor to me! Put your sandals back on.”
“I’m sorry, Lord, but I have been walking in the desert for so long, and—”
“I know that! You think I don’t know that? I know everything. I made you walk in the desert and up this mountain to show you my burning bush trick. All’s I’m saying is maybe use a little talcum powder.”
“Yes, Lord.”
“Good. Now then, my people are a randy, lawless lot, and it is unpleasing to me. You must give them these 10 laws that I am about to inscribe in these stone tablets. Bring them down from Mount Sinai and speak them to the people, that they will know this is what the Lord commands them to do.”
“Um, okay. A couple of questions, if you don’t mind. First of all, why only 10 laws? If the people are as bad as you say, maybe we’ll need more than just 10 laws.”
“If you hadn’t noticed, Moses, my people are not the smartest bunch in the world. I certainly wouldn’t call them the sharpest spearheads in the quiver. My fault, I suppose. I could have created universities but the idea of reading all those applications and essays was not pleasing to me. So we’re going to start with 10 and if they can deal with those, then I’ll make more laws. What else?”
“These stone tablets are large and heavy. How am I supposed to carry them all the way down the mountain?”
“Moses, know that I am always with you. I give you words to speak, I let you see my burning bush trick. You will be able to carry these laws to my people. If you could just trust me once, instead of doubting all the time, that would be nice. Your attitude is most unpleasing to me.”
“Jesus Christ, everything is unpleasing to you, it seems.”
“What did you call me?”
Copyright ©2022 Jason M. Rubin.